New Year, Same Problems.

Feelings come and go like the waves in the ocean.  Sometime big and stormy and sometimes flat and boring.  The years tick by and the same relationship problems keep cropping up for couples.  Working on these issues with a therapist that uses  EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) allows a couple to go under the waves and down to the depths of their feelings to discover what the real issues are:  fear of abandonment, loneliness, feeling unlovable and not being enough or being too much for the other person.  All valid feelings and all unavoidable.  Ignoring your feelings will make them loom larger and one sure way to help calm yourself is to validate your feelings - by yourself.  

We often look for others to understand us and if someone can't, or won't, then we are left feeling as if there is something wrong with the way we feel.  In reality, you feel what you feel regardless of whether it's right or wrong.  So validate yourself and acknowledge (but don't necessarily act on) your emotions.  Acting out sets the waves in motion, acknowledging helps you ride them. 

 Photo by Leo Roomets on Unsplash

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Julee Pererson, LMFT




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